You just bumped into one of your friends you haven’t seen in years, and you immediately remember she doesn’t know you’re homeschooling.
The last time you two talked you were heading up the fundraiser at the local elementary school, and she was a room mother.
Hoping she doesn’t notice that you’re standing in Target with all your kids at 11:00 a.m., you make small talk. All the while you pray she doesn’t ask you why your kids aren’t in school.
Should you lie? “Oh, we had doctor’s appointments.”
No, you can’t lie. What kind of example would that set for your kids? Besides, they are truth-tellers, and they would quickly and audibly correct you.
Should you evade the question? “My goodness your hair looks fabulous! Is that a new cut?”
No, you realize that will only make you look stupid and decidedly guilty and besides, her hair is in a ponytail.
So, before she can even ask the question that you’re positive she’s going to ask, you cut your nose off to spite your face and launch into a 20-minute defense of your choice to homeschool.
The whole time your brain is saying, “Stop! What are you doing? SHUT YOUR MOUTH!” But you can’t. There is a disconnect. You’re an insane woman.
Your friend walks away glassy-eyed.
You stare at her back, immobilized, feeling foolish and exhausted.
And you can’t make a quick exit because your kids have eaten all the groceries in the basket. Yes, it took that long.
These things happen. They do.
I’ve received similar emails and listened to similar stories over the phone.
It seems many homeschooling parents who withdraw their children from the public or private school system go through this transition.
It looks like shame, but it’s fear, and it masks itself in doubt.
Scenarios like the one I described above don’t have to be part of your story.
But first, you need a failsafe for when situations like this crop up. Here it is.
Let’s set the stage again.
You’re back in Target. Your friend walks up. She smiles and then furrows her brows just a bit (you might miss it if you weren’t feeling so insecure) as she sees you surrounded by your clan during “school” hours.
Step 1: Smile and pretend she already knows that you homeschool.
Yep, that’s it.
Simple, isn’t it?
She’ll make small talk, and she may eventually ask you if your kids have doctor’s appointments.
Step 2: If she does, you smile and say, “No, we homeschool now.”
See what you’ve done there?
You’ve tossed the ball back into her court.
Please note: There is NO NEED to launch a defense.
You’re a homeschooling family now. Homeschooling isn’t a dirty word.
You meet your kids educational needs on a daily basis, just like your friend does. You just do it differently. You have nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to explain.
Homeschooling is normal.
She may say any number of things once she knows you homeschool. They could be positive. They could be negative. It doesn’t matter.
Step 3: Smile and nod. Only respond if she asks a question.
You may find she has no issue with homeschooling, and you realize you’ve missed her friendship and would like to plan to get together soon.
Awesome.
On the other hand, she may be obviously opposed to homeschooling, which doesn’t negate the wisdom of your choice.
Move on.
Step 4: Smile again and let her know you need to finish shopping, check-out, go home and make dinner. You choose.
Regardless of the closing, the conversation will wrap up, and you can walk away without feeling like you just battled with your very soul.
Again, it’s that simple.
Now, let’s deal with your doubts, which I’m going to call “fears” because that is what they are.
1. Face Your Fears
Behind every trickle of doubt is a well of fear. The doubt is simply the outward manifestation of that fear.
In essence, it is the face of your fear.
What are you afraid of when it comes to homeschooling your children?
Here are some things people have told me in the past.
“I’m afraid I made the wrong choice, and I will fail.”
“I’m afraid my kids will be lonely.”
“I’m afraid I do not have the knowledge or organization to make it work.”
“I’m afraid I will hurt my kid’s chance of going to college.”
There are others.
Write down your fear. If you have multiple fears; write them all down.
Yes, every last one.
2. Read Your Fears Aloud
Speaking our fears is a powerful way to bring light to them. It makes our doubts real.
Instead of tucking them into a dark corner of our mind, we acknowledge them.
Writing alone doesn’t do this.
I have sat down and cried after reading some of my journal entries aloud. The same journal entries do not have the same effect when I quietly read them to myself.
So, speak your doubts.
If you are bold enough to speak them to someone else, do that.
In fact, if you have a homeschooling friend or supporter you can do this with, all the better.
3. Cover Your Fears in Truth
Fear is an emotion, and, unfortunately, not typically founded in truth.
I was in my mid 30s before I learned the freedom of separating emotion from the truth. It isn’t easy, but it is possible when turned into a regular practice.
I’ve also worked with my kids on determining the difference between the two.
While it looks different across genders – my boy’s emotions come out as anger and my girls’ as tears – they are still emotions.
I encourage my kids to speak and write truth over their fears because it is the best way to see them for what they are.
It also keeps emotions from seeding potential untruths that may take root later in their lives.
If it works for me and my teenagers, I am positive it can help you get rid of your homeschooling doubts once and for all.
Let’s look back at one of those questions I listed above.
“I’m afraid I made the wrong choice, and I will fail.”
Being afraid is an emotion. The truth is that you cannot know if homeschooling is the right choice early in your journey.
It may be.
It may not be.
Thankfully, it isn’t irreversible.
If it doesn’t work – change it.
Failure may happen once, but it isn’t a life-altering kind of failure. It’s a singular failure that can easily be remedied by stopping homeschooling.
So, the emotion is fear, but it can be set aside with the understanding that if this doesn’t work you can change it as soon as it becomes evident.
You can do this same process with each of your doubts.
Yes, each and every one.
So go do it.
Right now.
You are strong. You are capable. You can do this.
Heather Sanders is a freelance writer who prefers to stay home and work while homeschooling her three kids. If you’d like to learn how to pursue your passions and earn an income while working from home, subscribe today.